Outlawing Emotional Abuse

By Anna Flanders

In Georgia, it’s illegal to eat fried chicken with utensils. In Arizona, people are forbidden from spitting, according to Reader’s Digest. Yet, emotional abuse (also known as psychological or mental abuse) remains a problem that few United States laws address. Thirty-three states mention emotional abuse in their laws in some capacity, according to The Chronicle of Social Change. But these definitions vary widely, and most of these states require for there to be threats of physical violence in order for the act to be considered a crime.

           
Physical and sexual abuse has been federally outlawed since 1994 when the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) passed, but the emotional component of abuse is overlooked in federal laws. As Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes points out in her article Controlling Your Partner is Illegal, But Not in the U.S., many survivors of domestic violence consider their partner’s controlling and intimidating behavior to be the most damaging—even more than physical violence.

            In the state of Iowa, there is some room in the law for emotional abuse, which is described as purposeful acts that cause “mental injury to child's intellectual or psychological capacity as evidenced by substantial and observable impairment in child's ability to function within normal range” according to findlaw.com. To warrant a conviction, there must be a diagnosis by either a psychologist or physician, according to The Chronicle of Social Change. However, in Chapter 708 of the Iowa Code where it defines domestic abuse, there must be physical contact made to constitute abuse. In other words, someone who is emotionally abusing a child in Iowa is considered a criminal, but someone who is emotionally abusing their spouse is not doing anything illegal.

            Even outside the law, people often struggle to define what exactly emotional abuse is. “Jane,” a licensed mental health counselor who wished to remain anonymous, describes emotional abuse as “something that psychologically damages.”

            “Usually emotional abuse entails some kind of control, manipulation,” Jane adds. “Often it includes saying things that are demeaning. Sometimes there’s yelling—sometimes there isn’t—verbal threats.”

            Jane believes the outcomes between domestic violence and emotional abuse are similar and rarely sees physical abuse happen without emotional abuse.

            “Usually it undermines self-confidence, self-worth, self-esteem,” says Jane. “Often it silences and isolates the person.”

            Some of the other common effects are anxiety, social withdrawal, nightmares, and racing heartbeat, according to healthline.com.

            Stacy Davis, an officer with the UNI Police, sees domestic violence as a progression that often begins with emotional abuse. “One person takes control of another person. It seems cute at first,” Davis says. “[They start] getting jealous, restricting family and friends.”

            She also thinks that emotional abuse is harder to identify. “If someone has a bloody nose, you can see [abuse] is happening.” With emotional abuse, she contends there aren’t those telltale signs.

            Often times, it takes the victims of emotional abuse a long time to realize their relationship is abusive. That’s exactly what happened to “Sally,” an Iowa woman who wished to remain anonymous. Although Sally has been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 30 years, it was not until a couple years ago that she realized what she was experiencing was abuse. Through the counsel of friends and information from the Internet, Sally realized that her husband constantly putting her down and making her feel stupid was not normal. It was abusive. She says her husband makes her feel like her opinions do not matter. Sally further admits that although she has not experienced physical violence, she’s fearful of her husband’s anger. She believes that the biggest impact has been her diminished self-confidence.

            It may seem like the ambiguity of emotional abuse would prevent a country from making a law that focuses on it. But in 2010, France was the first country to pass legislation taking a stand against psychological abuse. French citizens who are guilty of the crime face up to three years of jail time and/or fines between 75,000 euros (about $85,000). The law defines this type of abuse as “repeated acts that could be constituted by words [that] degrade one’s quality of life and cause a change to one’s mental or physical state”, according to The New York Times. The abusive words referenced in the law could be in-person or via text message.

            In 2015, the United Kingdom followed suit by establishing the Serious Crime Act 2015 which only deals with emotional abuse in a domestic context. The law applies to married, cohabitating, or co-parenting relationships, among others. In part, the law states that when a person “repeatedly or continuously engages in behavior toward another person [. . .] that is controlling or coercive,” and this behavior causes “serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on [the victim’s] usual day-to-day activities,” it is against the law. In the law’s first two years, about 100 men were convicted of the crime, according to Psychology Today.

            Offenders in the U.K. face up to five years of jail time. In court, the evidence of the crime can include statements from friends and family, email messages, and evidence that the victim has been isolated, according to The Guardian.

            The piece of legislation was introduced by Lord John Taylor, the Baron Taylor of Holbeach back in June 2014. Within the law, there is some explanation for why it is important to the U.K:

The offence closes a gap in the law around patterns of controlling or coercive behavior that occurs during a relationship between intimate partners, former partners who still live together or family members. This offence sends a clear message that this form of domestic abuse can constitute a serious offence particularly in light of the violation of trust it represents and will provide better protection to victims experiencing repeated or continuous abuse. It sets out the importance of recognizing the harm caused by coercion or control, the cumulative impact on the victim and that a repeated pattern of abuse can be more injurious and harmful than a single incident of violence.

           

   Jane believes that the relationship between the abuser and victim is part of what makes the effects so severe. “If you and I are in a relationship, I have a great deal of trust in you,” Jane says. “If you call me stupid, you are calling me stupid. If an acquaintance says that, it’ll just piss me off. But I don’t have the kind of relationship I have with them that I do with a significant other.”

            Because all abuse is underreported and emotional abuse is defined in different ways, it is hard to say how many people experience emotional abuse in their relationships. However, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that 10 million people are physically abused by an intimate partner each year in the United States. Emotional abuse almost always precedes, coincides with, and follows physical abuse, according to the National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center. So at least 10 million people are probably emotionally abused per year. However, not every person who is emotionally abusive is physically abusive, so the numbers are likely much greater than this.

            Sally is unsure if she thinks a law about emotional abuse would help in the United States. “It would be a real ‘tough-y’ to prove,” says Sally. “My answer would be ‘yes’ but I don’t know how that would all work or what that would look like. I feel like [physical abuse] is really hard to enforce or prove. So [emotional abuse] would be even worse or harder [ . . .] I don’t know if a law would really help that.”

            Instead of seeking legal help, Sally has gotten support from friends, counselors, and books.

            Although Officer Davis doesn’t think our society has given up on trying to stop domestic violence, she does think there are a lot of naivety about the topic. “People think if they don’t like that treatment, they can leave,” Davis says. “If you don’t like the heat in the kitchen, get out.”

            She knows it isn’t always that simple, but she doesn’t necessarily think that more legislation is the solution. “I don’t think laws are going to solve anything,” Davis says. “If people didn’t break the laws, I wouldn’t have a job.”

            As alternatives, Davis thinks the National Domestic Violence Hotline and local shelters, such as Friends of the Family in Waterloo, are effective ways for victims to get help.

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